And I'm trying hard not to let the last 3 months that seemed to eat me alive, swallow up the year as a whole and label it {bad}. I'm trying the fight the negativity that I've been left with. I've been reflecting on why and how do I change these unhealthy patterns I seem to perpetuate... for good?
In a nutshell....
This year owned me and not the other way around.
I felt on the back foot the whole year. I struggled to say {no} to work commitments and I totally overworked myself. I said {yes} far too much and {no}, not enough. I had a full on EPIC year...
The obvious things that stand out to me is the growth in my creative journey - it's been huge for me this year. I've worked so hard at putting in the hours and doing the courses to improve my skill, none of which I take for granted. Going to Italy and getting to go on Misty's art retreat again and getting to connect with some truly remarkable artists and people from all over the world, was a huge highlight of the year for me. The fact that I got to do that twice in my lifetime, I have no words to tell you how deeply that has touched my life. I got to go to Venice - a huge bucket list check. I feel that going to Venice and Florence, changed something deep inside of me. As I reflect through my year, I know I showed up in spite of myself, my fears and my circumstances and the inner-growth that came out of that, priceless. I'm not feeling unhappy with any of that - I'm just feeling so exhausted and depleted...
The biggest problem being that I didn't have enough {quiet} or down time this year. Period. I took no time off. I didn't seem to have enough time for anything. I stole time and pushed hard. Time wasn't my friend and she reminds me of that, daily. I worked full on this year, in a very loud way. I can see the unhealthy cycles I operate in... year after year. I know the only way I might change this cycle is choosing to live intentionally and consciously for the year ahead. I let my guard down this year and it caught me.
The biggest problem being that I didn't have enough {quiet} or down time this year. Period. I took no time off. I didn't seem to have enough time for anything. I stole time and pushed hard. Time wasn't my friend and she reminds me of that, daily. I worked full on this year, in a very loud way. I can see the unhealthy cycles I operate in... year after year. I know the only way I might change this cycle is choosing to live intentionally and consciously for the year ahead. I let my guard down this year and it caught me.
Yesterday I started working through Susannah Conway's "Unravelling the year Ahead for 2015". It is brilliant! It allowed my to look at my 2014 and face where I'm at. Today I also picked up my weekly planner, diary and notebooks to help me navigate my year ahead. I'm trusting with being intentional and front footed - I can lessen the blows that seemed to hit us, all year through.
That way perhaps finding a small measure of peace through the year, that we all seek but few of us ever find.
That way perhaps finding a small measure of peace through the year, that we all seek but few of us ever find.
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