Sunday, 15 March 2015

#InMyStudio - The Queens of Hearts...

I am not sure if you remember the piece I was working on in November.
It was a commission piece.  With the 3 Angels.

I don't often do commission work because it's intense pressure.  I thought after 2 years of not doing it, I would finally be ready, but I am still not sure one is ever really ready.  To try and fabricate a piece that will evoke the emotion that that person is looking for based on a previous piece of work you did, is tough going.  Especially for intuitive work.  Also the way I paint, I need to feel connected to a piece because that's where the emotion comes from.  And that, I can't fabricate.  It definitely was an interesting journey for me.  One I'm grateful to have taken... so no regrets.

I got my initial layers down at the end of November and I really struggled to get the lady on the right's face, right from the get go.  She literally gave me stage fright.  I changed the crowns from this picture but we avoided each other for the next 3 months.  In fact, when I looked back and I hadn't finished a full painting since this piece landed on my easel.  All I could manage to do, is show up for TeaBagGirls and #1FaceaDay. I messed myself up good and proper.  I finished my first piece again now at the end of February.   Returning ultimately helped me finish this piece.   But that's 3 whole months...

After solid chunks of time this weekend, I was finally ready to call this finished and I was finally in love and connected with this piece.  Unfortunately, she was no where close to the original commissioned piece.  That was my lesson in this journey that I can't fake it or fabricate it.  One lesson I won't forget in a hurry.  And I'm so grateful for that.

I learnt that finishing a commitment is everything.
Even though it took it all out of me and I had to find incredible courage to do so.
But now that I'm finished - I feel such freedom.  I finished 3 pieces this weekend.  I also learnt that I don't like to do commissions - they seem to steal my joy of painting.  The pressure of delivery vs painting organically totally stole my joy!  It's not how I want to work at all, right?

Maybe, but all said I done - I do know that it was still so good for me...  To push myself through the fear, my comfort zones and out of my safe places and ultimately leads to growth and that is always more important to me, than my comfort.  I really had to dig deep through this piece that didn't come naturally, I had to work and rework it to a place that I felt that I could feel good about it.  Even though I veered off path (another lesson) - I learnt that I can't give/sell something to someone that I'm not feeling good about or totally proud of, I know that would have been more damaging for me.

And to me, the joy IS painting not the sale - I never what to loose sight of that.

SO all that being said... I have one commission left but that's next weeks journey.

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